Sassy Grandma Tweets That Show That Truth Never Gets OldBy Jhoana C
If you have ever been on the internet lately, you surely would have heard of the sarcastic and sometimes brutally honest – and pretty much always hilarious – tweets coming from someone named Myrna Tellingheusen. Known as everyone’s favorite grandma, this woman has more followers than most micro-influencers, and for more than five years, she has been making people laugh. She has insightful wisdom that we all wish to have, and she is not afraid to say exactly how she feels. She may get on some people’s nerves (like Helen and Doris), but she speaks the truth. From telling off people who believe they’re cool because they grew up with technology to spilling the tea on her suspicious neighbors, we love everything Grandma has to say.
Grandma doesn’t want any of those hippie milk sources
Technology has rapidly developed in recent years, and it brought with it an abundance of choices for consumers. Nowadays, you don’t have to put up with one kind of bread or coffee. Everything comes in different varieties, and consumers are spoiled for choice.
Just go to your local Starbucks, and you’ll be surprised at the thousand ways you can order coffee, most of which we still haven’t tried. But this Grandma isn’t having any of those fancy-schmancy options. She’d like her milk from a cow and only from a cow.
Never question Grandma’s wisdom
Grandma knows best, and if you want your life to be peaceful, we suggest you keep that in mind. It is not our place to question her wisdom, and we should follow her instructions to the letter because there are no in-betweens.
You either do things right, which is her way, or you do things wrong. Don’t tell us we didn’t warn you. If you want the perfect banana pudding that will make people forget their names, ask Myrna for her recipe.
We can see right through your mask, Grandma
Some people just make you mad, and no matter how much you try to hide how you truly feel, your face can betray your true feelings. This must be how Grandma felt when she wrote this tweet, and boy, do we relate.
She might be wearing a mask, but underneath it is a smirk that’s waiting to be let out into the world. She may have that smirk hidden, but we can still see it in her eyes. After all, they are the windows to the soul.
We couldn’t agree more
We get the fact that people want to celebrate pregnancies and welcome a baby into the world, but that’s not an excuse to wreak havoc in your neighborhood or to do reckless things. That’s why we’re with Grandma on this one, 100%.
We don’t get all the fanfare and people being so extra with gender reveal parties. Calm yourselves down, people! There’s no need to include things that can start fires and possibly endanger people. You tell ’em, Myrna!
We’d like to know how to do this
Some people tend to overstay their welcome, and regardless of how accommodating or nice of a person you are, if you are at the end of your rope, you just need to tell it like it is. However, that’s something easier said than done.
So, we’d like to know how Grandma does it if giving subtle hints does not work. Do you just tell them to pack up and go? Do you get the cat to “accidentally” start attacking? Do you get the dog to “accidentally” chew their shoes? We’d like some information!
We bet he did
Myrna is always judging people, and we don’t mean silently judging. No matter how hard she tries to do that, she just can’t. She doesn’t have it in her to be quiet. We can imagine her visiting the doctor for a routine check-up.
Check-ups are normal, but Grandma is not your regular patient, and she is definitely not a soft-spoken older lady. We can imagine her asking the doctor so many questions or rebuffing him that, by the end, his blood pressure shot up.
Tupperware does it best
After seeing this photo, we realized how long it had been since we had seen the original Tupperware. They are a thing of the past now, and you mostly see the use of older people, but don’t tell Grandma we said that because we don’t want to hurt her feelings.
We also never realized that Tupperware could be used to de-stress because back then, they were the cause of stress, especially if they go missing and you see them on the tales of friends’ homes. Helen, we are looking at you.
You can never go wrong with bacon
We have been told plenty of times that we need to watch our diet if we want to live a long life that doesn’t involve too many trips to the hospital, and one of the things we have been told to eat only in moderation is bacon.
But how can you stay away from its fatty and crispy goodness? How can you stay away from the tasty fat? We see Grandma here justifying her bacon fondness and consumption, and we are grateful she figured this out. Bacon is the bomb.
Butter makes a world of difference
Sometimes the smallest of things can annoy us, and if any of you like to read arguments online, you know people’s patience, on the whole, is pretty thin these days. What do you think can make things better and change people’s disposition?
Here comes Grandma with all her years and wealth of knowledge. And what does she recommend? Butter! If people put more butter on everything, this world will be a better place. There would be no wars and no fights at Target or Walmart if people ate more delicious food.
Nobody likes Doris, apparently
No matter how nice and understanding you are, there are people who rub you the wrong way and get on your nerves the moment they open their mouths or the moment you see them. Apparently, Doris is one of them in Myrna’s world.
We’re not familiar with Doris, but you can tell that Grandma doesn’t want anything to do with her. Grandma had better turn her television off when she hears one of those all-inclusive phrases because it’s not going to do her any good.
This is a good way of ensuring that nobody copies your best recipes
We can’t just help that we bake or cook excellent dishes that people admire and want to copy. Naturally, they will come to you and ask you how to make one of your signatures and expect you to give them the recipe.
But if it’s something you’re known for, would you be willing to share it? Grandma is not opposed to sharing. However, she doesn’t want anyone copying the exact recipe, so she’ll make a few changes to the measurements of ingredients. Myrna, you’re devious!
Good advice, Grandma
Grandma may have snide remarks and be sarcastic most of the time, but you can’t disagree that she makes a lot of sense. If we were asked to choose one person from whom we can take advice, we’d select Myrna Tellingheusen.
Look at this sage advice. Mince garlic, not words. No one could have said it better! It makes a lot of sense. Why try to avoid the truth of the matter? Just use that mincing ability on the garlic and perhaps start cooking one of your best dishes!
Horror of all horrors!
There has been so much contention about pizza, particularly if gluten-free pizza is real and what toppings are considered acceptable. What’s your stand on it? Does pineapple belong, or should we stick with good ol’ ham? Let’s see what Myrna says.
We know where Grandma stands, and she wants nothing to do with all those fancy keto pizzas or diet foods. None of that, please. She wants pure Italian pizza that doesn’t include cauliflower or any such substitutions.
Liberty, Liberty, Liberty
If you’ve watched television for the past few years, then you must definitely have come across the Liberty Insurance advertisement. Granted, it has a catchy jingle. It’s what most people would call an earworm. But we’d all probably be happier if this one never existed.
An earworm is defined as a catchy or memorable piece of music that occupies a person’s mind, and Grandma has had enough of the Liberty jingle. Life is already complicated as it is; the last thing we need is a song that makes things worse.
The ever versatile and talented Grandma
What makes Grandma so popular? She is all someone who we want to be. She can be your friendly neighbor, judgmental neighbor, annoying older person, helpful older individual, so on and so forth. You can’t box her in, and she will always do what she wants.
We all have our hang-ups and pet peeves, but for the sake of not being a pariah, we all want to appear friendly and respectful of others. Grandma can do it all, and she hopes that we can be just like her. But no matter what persona she takes on, she still has that smirk on her face.
No, you shouldn’t touch the hand towels
When you have guests, it’s only proper to take out all the nice dishes, towels, and decorations. You wouldn’t want your guests to have anything upsetting to say about your home as a whole and your hosting abilities. That would be terrible.
You want to be the perfect hostess and provide your guests with everything they need. However, there are times when guests overextend their welcome, don’t bring anything to the hostess, or worst of all, use the hand towels meant for decoration. Not cool at all.
That’s some powerful binoculars, Grandma!
Myrna must have plenty of free time on her hands that she has taken it upon herself to make sure that Betty from across the street doesn’t gain too much weight. We appreciate the diligence, but we’re not sure Betty does.
But, those are some powerful binoculars, Grandma. Can we borrow them? We just want to make sure our neighbor isn’t eating more than she should from across the street. And maybe look at some birds or something in our backyards.
No, Grandma there’s no excuse for flip flops
Most of the time, people think Grandma is just trying to be mean, but we’re behind her on this one. She couldn’t have said anything truer than this. At times we believe that people have personal responsibility, but then people went and invented flip-flops.
We don’t have anything against flip-flops themselves, but we don’t love it when people find an excuse to wear them in settings and occasions where sandals of any kind don’t belong. But the people have spoken, and we are outnumbered, Myrna.
The sassy Grandma we know
We thank the heavens for blessing us with Grandma and her sassy personality because she makes life a little less dull. Everyone knows we have been through so much in our lives and we need a little entertainment and sarcasm at times.
People might say things about our Myrna, but we love her for who she is, even if it involves a lot of raised eyebrows, high-powered binoculars, a little neighbor spying, and a lot of sassy Tweets. We wouldn’t change anything.
That’s some fon-don’t right there
Myrna must have some discerning taste. But we knew that already, right? We’re just glad we are not serving her anything we have prepared or cooked because we hate to see her eyebrows going up in disapproval. It would break our hearts.
Mildred, unfortunately, didn’t escape unscathed. By serving some fondue, she incurred the wrath of Grandma. Myrna was not at all pleased by her fondue, and rather considered it a fon-don’t. It would take quite a bit to impress her, we reckon.
Yes, Lyle. Tell us!
Kids today don’t know the struggle of writing down someone’s phone number in your organizer, so you know what number to call at the payphone later. They also don’t get the struggle of lugging around cell phones the size of cement blocks.
But now, Lyle sure understands just how useless it is to have a phone you can’t find. That thing would never happen, Lyle, if you just used the landline to begin with. Landlines don’t randomly update or shut down when you need them the most! (Says the people who, in fact, do not have landlines. Don’t tell Myrna.)
Yes, because we’d rather listen to people who are right
Have you ever listened to someone knowing full well that they were wrong? Were you able to stop yourself from correcting them? Or did you just roll your eyes every time they say something wrong? We figure Grandma would do the latter.
She is right; it would be far easier to listen to people when they are right versus when they are wrong because when they are right, you’d be less inclined to click your tongue, roll your eyes, or anything of that sort. But it sounds like Myrna rarely meets an intelligent soul.
Why did you do that, Helen?
Grandma may be old, but she has got some sharp eyes. How do we know that? Well, apart from noticing that her neighbor across the street is eating more calories, she also happened to see her missing Pyrex lid in Helen’s kitchen.
Why did you do that, Helen? Don’t you realize that you’re in so much trouble? We wouldn’t be surprised if you have found yourself on Myrna’s naughty list. You just made your way out of her good graces and into her Twitter feed.
Vote Grandma for whatever position she’s running for!
How difficult can it be to vote her into office? It doesn’t matter what position she is running for; we’re sure she’d be perfect for it. Look at that profile! People who commit crimes better run for their lives because their days are numbered!
It’s surely going to win a landslide for her because of the competition. Doris looks like she’s going to be a pushover doesn’t hold a candle against everyone’s favorite grandma. We can’t wait for the next HOA election day to come to cast our votes!
All points go to the broom
We may have come a long way compared to decades ago, and we may have more gadgets now than we can ever dream of, but that doesn’t mean that we needed all of them. Not every invention is going to make our lives better.
A case in point is the leaf blower. Sure, it cuts working hours and makes work so much easier, but it is also irritatingly noisy. Most importantly, if you use it near Myrna’s house, it’s going to ruin her beauty sleep, and that’s something you don’t want at all.
Mashed potatoes versus yoga
We’re sure Grandma is for living a long and healthy life judging others, but she doesn’t strike us as someone who’s into pilates or yoga. She is not going to spend money on that preposterous Peloton bike either; you can bet your buttons on that.
She knows yoga has plenty of benefits, but it’s not going to outweigh all the good things that mashed potatoes and gravy can do for the soul. We’re not sure about that, Myrna, but whatever floats your boat, do it.
We also don’t have the answer for this one
There are billions of people worldwide, but not everyone can be as cool and as intelligent as Grandma. If we could be even only 10% like her, we’d thank our lucky stars. But, alas, we’re not! We are just lucky to benefit from her wisdom.
This has led Grandma to ask what’s wrong with the rest of the world. She must be so upset right now that she has to deal with lesser mortals who don’t even understand her idea of good living, let alone practice it.
Nighttime is the best worrying time for everyone
We’re sad to say it, but the truth is nighttime is everyone’s favorite worry time, next to being in the shower when you’re contemplating what you’re put on this Earth for. We have often been told that worrying does nothing for you, but we just can’t help it.
It’s like an itch that we just need to scratch, and we know thousands, if not millions of people, spend a good amount of their nighttime worrying about their relationships, finances, careers, friends, and plenty of other things. We feel you, Myrna.
You can’t argue with Grandma on this
The Pilgrims came to America aboard the ship named Mayflower. One hundred two passengers established what is known as Plymouth County today. Contrary to popular belief, the Pilgrims didn’t only wear black clothes. They also wore clothes of other colors.
But one thing is for sure; they didn’t wear yoga pants because hundreds of years ago, yoga pants didn’t exist yet. So try as you may, it’s very difficult to argue with Grandma on this one. So, Amy, you’d better dress up next Thanksgiving.
Quick! Hide the refrigerator magnets!
We want to get to know Grandma better, but we have second thoughts of asking her to come to our home because we all know what she’d do next: one of the many things she is very good at, judging people. And based on this tweet, we’re in for it.
We don’t want to judge cheapskates or people with no decorating sense based solely on our magnets. So, if we were ever to invite her or get an idea of asking her, you better upgrade your fridge decor. Are cruise souvenirs classy or out?
It’s our favorite F-word too
We are 100% in agreement with Grandma on this because food just happens to also be our favorite F-word out of all the F-words out there. No one can take its place, and we’re sure it will stay that way forever.
Aside from the food being an f-word, it’s just our favorite thing in existence. Oh, Grandma, there are times when we think you’d like us, and this is one of those times. Maybe we should go out for lunch or dinner together, our treat.
There are thousands of varieties of cheese, and according to legend, the first cheese was created by accident more than four thousand years ago. We don’t know if there is any truth to that, but we do know that cheese is life.
People can’t get enough of it, us included. Grandma also thinks the same way; according to her, a person can’t have too much cheese. You can put it on fries, on bread, and on pretty much anything. We could go for some nachos right about now.
Helen has really upset Grandma
It seems that Helen has angered Grandma badly as she has more than one entry on this list. We wonder what she had done. All we know is that our Myrna here has had enough of her, even from a distance.
Did Helen steal Grandma’s Pyrex again? Did she wipe her hands on her decorative bathroom towels? Did she take a swipe at the landline? We can think of a hundred reasons why Grandma dislikes her so much. We’re beginning to not like her ourselves.
Grandma is a busy person
Grandma is a very busy person, and she has plenty on her hands judging others, Helen included, that she is looking for an assistant to help her do the job she is the best at. Is she looking for someone with experience?
Even without experience, we’re sure that the person she hires will learn invaluable lessons from her when judging others. After a few months of apprenticeship, she will be an expert at telling if the next-door neighbor has made poor gardening choices this year.
Grandma’s neighbor is more entertaining than Netflix’s Lucifer
Most people might not believe us when we say this, but life is more entertaining than art. There is no program on TV that can rival salacious office gossip or the crazy things our neighbors get involved in when they think we aren’t poised at the window with our binoculars.
Oops, we don’t want to spill the beans, but Grandma has a point here. No need for any subscription to Netflix or Amazon; we just need to ask her where she gets her binoculars because it seems hers are better quality.
Grandma is very observant
Judging from Grandma’s tweet, it seems that Zoom is the instrument of the devil. Grandma might not be doing her best to judge others less, but it appears that virtual book club has intensified her proclivities for passing judgment on others.
Maybe people should have less of Zoom and more personal interactions, but we do the best we can with what we have. Maybe Grandma should just close her eyes the next time they have a Zoom session. Or not go at all, as she plans.
Maybe Grandma should have her groceries delivered next time
Something as simple and mundane as going to the grocery to get fresh produce, junk food, and the like has become a big deal today. Some people love going, even though delivery is pretty much available everywhere now.
Grandma’s recent trip has not been very nice. She clearly doesn’t like her groceries touching other people’s and we totally get that. One thing is for sure; she made her irritation very clear with the dividers. We would love to have been there.
There’s a difference between outburst and meltdown?
Meltdown is defined as a disastrous collapse or a breakdown, while an outburst is defined as a sudden release of strong emotion. There might be a difference between the two, but people really don’t care what you call it when both result from negative emotions.
However, Grandma does. Do people also care when she spies on her neighbors? Do they say she is just being nosy, or is she observant? Is she judgmental and condescending or discerning? Hmm, we will have to table this one.
Yes, you should keep those things to yourself
If there’s anything we dislike on this Earth, it’s people giving you advice or letting you know their opinions when you didn’t ask. Is nothing more irritating, right? They should invent technology that can spot these people from a mile away.
That way, you can fend them off or just do a U-turn and head back home when you see them running your practice. Microdroplets should also be kept to yourself, just like unsolicited advice and opinions. You can talk, but don’t spit!
They should have taught giftwrapping in school
Some of the most important life skills are not taught in school, which needs to change stat. Why are they teaching calculus in school when we don’t use it when we need to make decisions at work and deal with refinancing a house?
Another life skill that should have been taught to all people who went to school is how to wrap a gift nicely. Granted, most people would just tear up gift wrap, but the point is the presentation. It makes a difference, according to Myrna.
Let the seniors out
There is a saying about idle hands doing the devil’s work, but we wholeheartedly disagree. This is what happens when retired folks have time to express their creativity and we are here for it. Myrna, being on the HOA, might disagree with us.
Sounds to us like Grandma is a bit bored herself. What’s going to happen to her Bingo night? Who’s going to judge others during weekly book club if Myrna won’t attend Zoom meetings? Well, for starters, she can shape her hedges.
Yes, it must be exhausting
When you’re right all the time, it can be exhausting to deal with people who happen to be on the opposite end of the spectrum. It is very considerate that Grandma is so concerned with those who just can’t be correct.
Maybe next time, Grandma, you don’t listen to them. Just pretend that you are and nod at appropriate times so they won’t get insulted. This way, you can conserve your energy and use it on other more important things, such as spying on your neighbor with your high-powered binoculars.