Together Forever: 45 Comical Posts From Couples That Sum Up Modern Married Life
Ah, marriage, the good life… or so they say! Some people are built for it, while others aren’t quite cut out for the commitment. With SO much time at home over the past three years, we can’t deny that being in quarantine affected many marriages and relationships. Marriage is already challenging as it is, add a pandemic on top of it, and you’re sure to fall into some difficult times. For those couples who didn’t give up after being confined with their spouse for long periods of time, we commend you! There are plenty of couples that have made it to the other side, and we are grateful for them and the entertainment they have shared with us on the internet. Tiktok, Twitter, and all social media blew up during the pandemic, and it has resulted in the hilarity that’s worthy of being shared with you guys. Destined to make you laugh, here are 45 of our favorite tweets from modern couples.
Difference Between Dating And Being Married
Ask any couple, and they will tell you that things can suddenly take a turn for the worse when you transition from dating to being married. When you’re dating, there’s no seriousness to things yet. You stay out all night and sleep during the daytime.
You always want to see and be with each other. However, once you get married, you suddenly won’t be able to stand each other, and even the most minimal invasion of space can be the start of the next world war.
When Sharing Nudes Become A Health Alarm
There was once a time in our lives when sharing nudes was considered sexy and such a turn-on. Unfortunately, that time was way before you exchanged wedding vows. Who has time to send nudes when you’re married, especially after having children?
This lady sent her husband nudes, but instead of it becoming a prelude to sexy times, it became a significant health concern for her husband, who ended up asking her which mole she was worried about. Talk about a letdown.
Potential Food Poisoning Problem Here
Particular food, especially pre-cooked ones or easy-to-cook meals such as packaged pasta with sauce, can be cooked in the microwave. However, some foods are just a major no-no when it comes to being heated in the microwave.
An excellent example of this is chicken. We all know that undercooked chicken can contain salmonella, causing you to be sick. Another raw food that just can’t be cooked in the microwave is fish because it smells downright awful. If you have a wife like this guy, you’ll probably think that your wife has some ax to grind against you.
When Vegetables Are Involved
‘See you later, alligator‘ and ‘in a while, crocodile‘ are just two expressions that involve animals when saying goodbye to people. Only a few people use those expressions, and there is a valid reason why that is so.
But what do you do when your husband starts involving vegetables when he wants to express his agreement with you. It certainly is a cause for alarm for a people, including this wife. It’s especially troubling if the vegetable involved is an artichoke.
The Secret To A Lasting Marriage
Nowadays, you can meet people just by swiping right while resting in bed. It can be challenging to stay committed to one relationship with so many options. If you genuinely want to be with someone, you need to be committed and look past each other’s flaws.
This lady has willingly shared her secret to a lasting marriage, which is low standards. At the same time, we wouldn’t recommend that, but we say to each her own. If it works for her, who are we to judge? The only problem is her husband overheard her; oops!
One Bottle Of Champagne Isn’t Enough
One of the best things about having a spouse is asking them to buy things for you. Fancy having a burger or pizza for dinner, ask them to pick it up. Are you missing a few things in your pantry? Shoot them a text asking them to stop at the grocery store on the way home.
Need a few drinks? Ask your husband to get you some champagne but instead of purchasing bottle after bottle, it’s best to ask them to get a whole box. It will save them numerous trips to the store. You are going to finish it.
The Proper Way To Fold Towels
Once you get married, you’ll discover specific ways of doing things. You weren’t aware of many things back when you were still single—being single means doing things your way. You can leave your laundry unfolded, and no one would be irked by it.
However, things go through a monumental change after you exchange marriage vows with someone and live with them. If you don’t do things the way your wife wants them done, you might as well be sleeping in the doghouse tonight.
Going To IKEA Hungry
Saying yes to someone and promising to be by their side through thick and thin is something easier said than done. Just ask any couple who has been married for more than a decade. If you want your relationship to last, there are dos and don’ts which need to be followed.
One of the things you should never do is go to IKEA with an empty stomach. Not only will this lead you to make unnecessary and costly purchases, but it can also lead to the disintegration of your union. Nobody likes to be around someone who is hangry.
Being Married Means Several Tests
When you get married, it’s guaranteed that you and your spouse will go through numerous tests to help you become stronger. However, if you don’t have the right attitude, those same tests can drive a wedge between you two.
One such test is remembering special occasions and making sure that these occasions are celebrated. A few examples of these are birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day. If you forget these occasions, you won’t hear the end of it. Trust us.
The Soundtrack Of Your Married Life
Before you marry someone, you have to think long and hard; you’re only supposed to get married once, so you need to make sure you do it right. You don’t want to go through an endless string of spouses until the day you die.
Aside from making sure that the person you’re marrying is someone whose appearance you can stand to see first thing in the morning when they haven’t combed or washed their faces, you also need to be able to stand the sound of their chewing or snoring.
Shopping Till You Drop
What’s the one thing that every guy has to have patience for if he ever intends to get married? There’s only one answer to that question, the shopping ways of women. We all know women can buy a single shirt yet spend an entire day looking for it.
Shopping is like sports to most women, but it’s a curse to most men. So, it’s a good idea that you hold your wife’s hand whenever you’re in the mall. People will think that you’re adorable, but in reality, you’re just making sure your wife doesn’t spend any more money.
One Of The Purposes Of Having A Husband
There are many reasons why people get married, and one of those is the fact that you need someone to help you open a jar of pickles, a jar of peanut butter, or a jar of anything really. Lord knows how difficult it is to open jars.
It’s as if the manufacturers have made it their life’s mission to make women scream with frustration and rage every time they try to open a jar of pickles. But we do want husbands to be able to do more than open a jar of something.
Different Than What You See In Movies
If you think that married life is as perfect as you see in the movies, you better think again. You won’t always be in love with each other. As a matter of fact, there will be days when you can’t stand each other and might want to file for divorce.
The same can be said with married life and porn. You won’t always have the hots for each other, and you’ll get yourselves into some of the most hilarious situations that ruin the vibe that Marvin Gaye might as well stop singing “Let’s get it on.”
Even Pop-Tarts Can Break A Marriage
Pop-Tarts have helped plenty of people with their breakfast for decades. Although Pop-Tarts are made by Kellogg’s, it was actually the company’s rival, Post, who first had the product idea. As delicious as Pop-Tarts may be, they can spell doom.
Yup, Pop-Tarts can be the demise of marriage if they are not prepared well or given when unfrosted. Take it from this wife who is ready to file for divorce after her husband committed an unforgivable mistake. Why would unfrosted even exist as an option?
What’s Hers Is Hers, What’s Yours Is Still Hers
In marriage, what’s hers is hers, and what’s yours is still hers. Many married couples, especially husbands, can attest to this. That’s just life, and there is no way of getting around it. After all, they say that a happy wife is a happy life.
An excellent example of this is food. You can order your own food, and she will order her dish too, but you can expect your wife to want still to eat your food and eat her food too. You have to grin and bear it if you want peace.
Yes, Separate Tubes Of Toothpaste Are Necessary
When you get married, your patience will be put to the test. Either you will learn to be more patient than you already are, or you will fly off the handle and pull your hair out in frustration because there will be things that your spouse does that will drive you crazy.
You need to adjust to each other’s pet peeves and learn to compromise. One of the most common things which couples argue or disagree on is toothpaste. Something as innocent and insignificant as toothpaste can break a marriage. Who knew?
Living With Differences When It Comes To Packing
Going on a trip is something to look forward to, especially after you have been slaving in the office just to finish your deliverables on time. Trips are supposed to be fun and stress-free times when you can just let your hair down.
Some people pack days, even months before their trips, and have a list of the things they should bring to make sure they have everything they need. However, some pack hours before their trip. We don’t know how they do it because that would certainly drive us to the point of madness. We like to be prepared.
When Foreplay Means Coffee
Before marriage, there’s plenty of sexy time, and there is much foreplay before the main event. Oh, what fun. However, once you get married and after you have been married for a few years, you can say goodbye to all that.
Before marriage, foreplay meant kissing. After marriage, it means washing the dishes, doing the laundry, and going to the supermarket. Foreplay looks more like manual labor and not any of those overly romantic gestures anymore once you’ve tied the knot.
Living With Someone Who Doesn’t Pick Up After Himself
The actual test of a good marriage is when you can live with each other while putting up with others’ bad habits. One particular bad habit that many wives complain about is their husbands not picking up after them.
What makes it even worse is a mother-in-law who keeps telling you that you should raise your kids the right way by training them while still young to pick up after themselves. Perhaps she should train her son again—just an idea.
Be Prepared For The Alarm Going Off Several Times
When you enter married life, one thing to prepare for is the alarm going off several times before the person who the alarm is meant for wakes up and turns it off. For some people, this is enough for them to commit homicide.
This is especially true if your spouse’s alarm goes off at 4 am, and you don’t start your day until 8 am. We have said it before; you need plenty of patience if you want a happy married life. We can’t emphasize it enough.
Hiding Amazon Purchases From Your Husband
If you’re like most of us, you’re probably guilty of indulging yourself in some online shopping, especially during the pandemic. Well, maybe not just some online shopping but plenty of it. The truth is, online shopping can be pretty addicting.
Before you know it, you’ve ended up purchasing more than you expected to and have gone beyond your budget. How do you conceal your online purchases from your spouse, so they don’t fly off the handle? This lady has a pretty creative solution.
Married Life Needs A Hefty Ice Cream Budget
We never knew this until now, but a happy married life means one that has a hefty budget for ice cream and other kinds of dessert. Why do we say this? Because you’re going to badly need it to keep a cool head and not kill someone.
Especially if someone leaves their dirty socks on the floor and doesn’t pick up after themselves, you have to be straight with each other about spending vast amounts on ice cream during months when you have a lot of arguments.
You Can’t Fall Asleep Without Permission
This made us laugh so hard because it’s true. When you’re married, you can’t just fall asleep without permission or without letting your spouse know that you’re about to sleep. This only happens when you have been with each other for a long time.
So, if you have made it this far, you should congratulate yourself because not many couples can. Most only last until the alarm stage because usually, one spouse gets hit on the head and files for divorce. On a serious note, though, falling asleep so fast is terrible news.
Getting Married Sometimes Means Having A Man-Child
They say when women get married, they instantly have their first child in the form of their husband. Their husband is their eldest and first baby. Ask any married woman, and she will tell you this is true for her.
Making children take their medicine is a task that is very challenging because we all know how kids hate the taste of medicine. It seems that it is a situation which is also true of man-children and husbands. Suck it up!
Of Hemorrhoids And Making Love
When you get so intimate with someone during your marriage, some of the things you were previously embarrassed by don’t matter anymore. It becomes something that you and your spouse laugh and joke about. Things you never imagined you would tell a soul.
And when you’re in the mood for some action and loving, it doesn’t matter what excuses your partner makes; you’re game, especially if you have not had action in a while due to your busy schedules, hemorrhoids, or no hemorrhoids.
The Quarantine Resulted In Numerous Uncouplings
To borrow a line from GOOP owner and award-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow, there were plenty of conscious uncouplings during quarantine. Many couples couldn’t stand each other, so they ended up bidding farewell to each other. For better or worse might not always apply.
When you’re confined in closed spaces with someone for a long time, you inevitably start getting on each other’s nerves. The little quirks that endeared you to one another suddenly become the things that irritate you. Take a deep breath.
When Online Shopping Means You’re Still Alive
Husbands everywhere should swear that they will put up with their wife’s shopping habits before they get married because when you marry a person, you marry their quirks, eccentricities, and shopping habits. Maybe we should add that to our vows.
And men should know that women tend to shop a lot, but we’re not discounting the fact that there are men who shop more than women and look more stylish than women. Before you get married, you should resign yourself to the fact that the UPS guy will be at your doorstep every day or every other day.
Being Married Means Being Criticized
If you can’t take criticism, and we mean plenty of it, you’re not cut out for marriage and should steer clear of it. We don’t mean to scare single people, but you have to be prepared to be put under the microscope when you sign that paper.
Lucky are those who are married to spouses who don’t nag and spouses who are willing to overlook mistakes and habits. But if you’re not, the best thing you can do when they start criticizing you, and you know it’s not valid, is just to let it in one ear and out the other.
Quirks That Get On Your Nerves
No matter how much you love someone, the time will come when they get on your nerves and drive you crazy. When you start dating, their distinct laugh can be very endearing, and dare we say it; you want to hear more of it.
However, the more time you spend with one another, the more you want to kill the other person. On a serious note, marriage is also the time when you discover things about one another that you won’t exactly like or love.
Watching Movies With Your Eyes Closed
When you’re a few years into your marriage, watching movies isn’t what it used to be. Most of the time, you can’t sit through it, especially if you have children running around. Sometimes you don’t even get past the opening credits anymore.
It doesn’t matter how exciting or award-winning the movie is; most of the time, you’re just too exhausted to care. Let us know once you find the film’s title that will keep our eyes peeled until the closing credits.
Quid Pro Quo?
Marriage, they say, is to give and take. One person can’t do all the giving, and the other can’t do all the taking. Otherwise, it will all end in a messy divorce where people have to fight who gets the lamp or the dog.
But if it’s give and take, and your spouse does something they don’t usually do, such as putting out a fresh roll of toilet paper, does that automatically mean you have to do something in return? Even something you don’t like?
Being Together In Sickness And In Health
Being married means standing by each other in sickness and in health. Regardless of how difficult life gets, it would be best if you hung in there and never gave up. If you’re not ready to do that, you should seriously reconsider saying ‘I do.’
When your spouse is sick, you should be there to take care of them. And when your spouse is ill, the truth is it’s going to be hard for you because you have to remind them to take medication and make sure they are eating healthy meals too.
Asking Your Spouse To Do Grocery Shopping
Grocery shopping can become a bonding moment for married couples, but it can also be something that you can let your spouse do if you dislike it that much. Don’t like carrying heavy stuff; let the husband do it.
Or you can order things online and have them delivered to your house. After all, that’s what most people do these days, right? But, don’t you ever treat your spouse like they are the delivery guy or there’s going to be hell to pay.
Misbehaving At Parties
Your twenties or your single life is for misbehaving at parties, drinking more than you probably should, and staying up all night. However, that’s not something that we would recommend once you have tied the knot. Who has time anymore?
Why? Because there is another person that you should think of. You wouldn’t want to ruin your wife’s reputation, and you don’t want to make her look like a fool unless you want her to tell people that you’re a poor rescue dog.
What Watching A Movie Feels Like
If you manage to get through the opening credits once you’re married, you can bet something interesting or irritating will happen while you’re watching the movie. The scenes can be fascinating, and your spouse won’t say anything.
However, when there is a quiet scene that you’re interested in during the movie, they start talking about completely random things that don’t have any relation to the movie or to movies in general. When this happens, refrain from totally losing it on him.
Waiting For Who Stands Up First
You know when you wait for who stands up first so you can tell your spouse to get you something or do something for you, congratulations! That is a telling sign that you are married, but we won’t be able to tell if it’s a happy marriage.
You should know that whoever gives up first loses because they will be asked to microwave some popcorn when you are in the midst of watching a movie. Waiting it out is a life skill that people thinking of getting married should learn.
She Will Buy What She Wants Even If You Say No
Marriage is hearing your husband tell you that you shouldn’t buy something, and you are buying it anyway. If that means hiding your purchases and packages from Amazon under the bed, then so be it. If it means lying to your husband, then so be it.
Husbands should remember that no matter how they tell their wives to cut back on online shopping, women will find another way around that rule. They should resign themselves to that fact and feign surprise when the UPS guy delivers something.
The Perfect Breakfast Recipe
Another life skill that every man should learn if they want to have a long and happy marriage is making the perfect grilled cheese sandwich. The perfect grilled cheese sandwich can help you say sorry for falling asleep last night during the movie’s opening credits.
If you ask this fellow, the perfect grilled cheese sandwich is one that has butter spread all the way to the edges. We haven’t tried this, but there’s no harm in doing so. It might just be the perfect solution.
You Can Hope All You Want
You can hope all you want, but it doesn’t mean it will come true. Just ask this husband, and he will tell you how he got a savage response from his wife plainly for hoping. It’s always a good thing to have hope, but maybe don’t hope too much.
This is especially true if it involves certain body parts, and perhaps you also shouldn’t be so hopeful of getting some action when your wife comes home. Well, unless you have perfected the recipe for the perfect grilled sandwich listed above.
We can only guess that this lady refers to the quarantine or lockdown. We have said it before, and we will repeat it, quarantine has resulted in the dissolution of countless marriages. Some couples realize they can’t stand being each other for more than five days.
Other people realize that the person they are with is out of their league, which leads to different more major realizations, such as why they even marry their spouses in the first place? We’re just glad that it’s over.
When Lines Are Blurred
Most of us present different faces to the public. We have a work persona, a social persona, and a persona for our loved ones. However, many lines were blurred during quarantine because people mainly worked from home and forgot which hat to put on.
We totally understand why this man has compared missing the difference between his work wife and his wife wife. This is a valid concern, and he isn’t the only person who has made this complaint. Hopefully, he gets his real wife back soon.
Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold
We have heard so many things about revenge, and there are many quotes and sayings about it, yet many people have made it their mission in life to exact revenge. Why? Because no matter what people say about it, it is very satisfying.
Take this wife, for instance. She didn’t say a lot to her husband after their argument the night before left her very annoyed, but she did manage to do one thing that would satisfy her and get back to her husband at the same time.
No Shower, No Toilet Flush Policy
Hygiene is one of the most important things, at least to us. You surely don’t want to spend time with a person who reeks, a person who doesn’t brush their teeth, and a person who rarely washes themselves.
From what she says, this wife’s husband is in for some passive-aggressive showers experiences in the near future. Since they had spent more time together, she could no longer stand him. To get back at him, she flushed the toilet while he was in the shower making his water cold.
Where Is The Clot?
The longer you are together in a marriage or, the older you get, the more you notice one of you getting overly dramatic, especially when it comes to health. A fever is no longer just a fever, and it’s just made worse by googling symptoms.
We’re just here to warn you that you shouldn’t be surprised when you have to make several trips to the doctor or dentist for nothing. Yes, it’s a complete waste of time, but sometimes you need to amuse your spouse.
Hard But Not In That Sense
In marriage, certain things are hard for the relationship to last, but we don’t mean in rigor mortis sense. Also, hard shouldn’t apply to your relationship as a whole. It will be trying at times, but you want to stick together.
Marriage is a balance between being soft and being hard. You have to be gentle in the sense that you overlook each other’s minor mistakes, and you’re ready to forgive when your spouse says sorry, but you should also be hard in a sense that you don’t tolerate unfrosted Pop-Tarts.